I miss my Grandma...

My Grandma Haight passed away two weeks ago today...the whole thing was really rough, I've never lost anyone close to me and I didnt know how I would handle it...so far not so good.  The hardest part for me was that towards the end of her life everything was really hard, she and my grandpa had gotten in a terrible accident around 5 years ago (I mean terrible with shattered ankles and ribs, and peices of intestine needing to be removed). She also has a son she adopted, who is truly the worst human being on the planet, he stole money from them had friends come to their house and steal possesions...just terrible things...and on top of all that for the last 25 years she had excruciating pains in her face and head that came and went as they please, in order to try and fix this she had brain surgery, all of her teeth removed, continuos doctors visits and was on a TON of medication...NOTHING helped... then maybe a month or so ago we started to notice that she wasnt having them....it was because she had alzheimers and couldnt remember having them...Her alzheimers wasn't terrible, she could remember all of her kids and her life, just had trouble retaining new information....So I though FINALLY she get's a break, no pains, doesnt remember how terrible her son is...maybe she'll have a few great years. then about a week later she contracted a staff infection and passed away...I can't tell you how sad it makes me...It get even worse when I see my Grandpa. They were married for nearly 60 years, and when I saw him recently and asked how he was he replied "I'm lonely all the time, very very lonely" My grandparents are good people they raised 10 children together have loaned  money to every child grandchild or orgnization that asked, have opened their home to anyone who needed it, and about a million other things that would qualify both of them for sainthood. I certainly hope that there is a heaven and that my Grandma is the queen of it because that's what she deserves.
I'll be getting married soon and the thought of not having her there makes me sadder than you can imagine. I miss her, she was the matriarch of the family and nonone can replaces that...I hate growing up, I hate being resposible, and i dont like that I have to deal with things like death and aging loved ones... it all just makes me very sad.

Going private...

I realize that this sounds rediculous, I'm a single person i dont really have to worry about weird people looking at my kids or anything, but I just recently found someone wrote a whole post about something I wrote awhile ago that was very rude and not even accurate, this person isnt my friend I dont know her at all....I totally understanding the blogstalking stuff I do it too sometimes but I would never disrepect the complete strangers whose blogs I look at, by  making them feel bad about something they wrote...a Blog is the ONE place I think I should be able to speak my mind without having to worry about who Im making mad or offending... I write things for me (obviously) If you dont like it then dont read it!!! so I'm just going to go private to make sure these people aren't subjected to my 'cruelty'....I dont care who reads my blog I just dont want people reading it then speaking badly about me, that doesnt seem right... My blog is NOT exciting at all and Im almost positive noone reads it anyway :).BUT,  please let me know if you'd like to keep reading, regardless of who you are, and I'll add you to 'the list'.

Random Thoughts...

I think its crazy how long it takes to find out what your having when your pregnant...I feel like its a dirty trick to get you attatched to this thing inside you before you really know what your in for...

Corey's Ex wife got married last weekend and I could not be happier that her last name is no longer Beck...nope, its reek, as in super smelly

There is a lot of weight being lost among my friends and family... I feel like I should jump on this bandwagon but I dont really feel like it, its not neccesarily a lazy thing it's more of like a lack of neccesity, I feel great, I work out a few times a week with no problems... I might not look as great as I feel but I luckily have a guy who thinks Im beautiful :)...Eventually I will get on a serious health kick cause I really would LOVE to do a triathalon (sp?)...but for now I'll divide my time as I see fit.

My Massage therapy school is ridiculous...I better get a job somewhere awesome when i graduate cause anyone that has to deal with these people for 9 more months,  should be getting well paid...

My sister Miranda gives looks that, Im convinced, can REALLY kill.

I love used book stores